Everyone knows forgiveness is good, right, just, and important. It’s just better when someone else is doing it. Forgiveness is in the Bible. You know about that even if you don’t read the Bible. You know that every major religion in the world insists that we forgive our brothers and sisters. You know that Jesus Christ forgave the men who whipped him and crucified him. They did a lot worse to him than your wife or husband did to you.

At your core, you know that forgiveness is the way to go. We know instinctively, although sometimes it’s really hard to see this, that’s its best for us. But why is it so hard to forgive? Why is it that some really good people can’t seem to forgive someone who’s done them wrong? Sometimes the really good people, the ones you trust your life with, have an even harder time forgiving.

Why is it so hard to forgive? Why should we forgive? And how do I forgive? How do I get to that point where I can forgive?

It’s even harder to forgive if you’re the one who got dumped (also known as the dumpee.) Most of the people picking up this book were dumpees. Ok, I was a dumpee and some of my best friends were dumpees. over the long haul, the dumpees usually fair better. But to really do well in life, they have to get past this forgiveness thing. I really want to tell you that you have to forgive her (him) but I won’t, because it’s human nature to resist when another person tells you that you have to do something. And, it would be really good for you and for your kids if you could forgive her (him).

Don’t throw this article away! This is the part that’s really valuable to your children. This is the part that =ill do the most to let your kids know everything is ok. It will help them grow up healthy and happy. You might be thinking now that you’re going to throw up because I keep talking about forgiving her and all you can do is imagine her having sex with someone else, behind your back, while you were a good husband. I’m telling you to forgive him and you think I don’t understand because I’m just a stupid man and I can’t possibly imagine how you feel, knowing you were taking care of little kids and making dinner and being a wonderful wife while your husband was meeting his secretary at a hotel. Let me assure you. I don’t care about your cheating husband or lying wife. I care about your kids. I want to help you. This isn’t about helping the person who is being forgiven. It’s all about helping the one who is doing the forgiving.

Understand that when you forgive your husband, you are not condoning what he did. When you forgive your wife, you are not in any way approving of what she did. Forgiveness has nothing to do with right and wrong. It has everything to do with freedom and release.

You’ve probably heard the saying that revenge is like taking poison and expecting your enemy to die. It’s true. As I mentioned earlier, the ancients knew these things long before we were ever born.

The truth is, no matter what your husband or wife did, you’re not going to get even with them. You’re certainly not going to physically harm them or kill them. You’re not going to make it go away, and you’re not going to make it right. They most certainly did what they did because of their own flaws and weaknesses. Remember George on Seinfeld, when he tells a women he was breaking up with, It’s not you; it’s me?” He was right! If your husband or wife dumped you, it really is them. That’s not to say you’re perfect, and I would encourage you to learn as much as you can about yourself. But if you got dumped, there was a reason for it and most likely that reason was inside that other person. That may not make you feel any better, but they thought they had a good reason. They probably even thought they had to do it. It was more than just a desire; it was necessary for them.

First you have to understand why.  Why did they break your heart?  Why did they leave you?  Why did they cause the divorce?  Just for a moment, put aside your judgment, suspend any thoughts of blame.  Cut through all the clutter and just look for the answer to why.  The answer may not be rational.  It may not be logical.  It probably won’t make sense.  That’s ok.  You’re just looking for the answer to “Why?”

There’s another part to this that makes it even stronger.  It’s faith.  You need to develop faith that things really do work out.  You may not be able to see how it’s going to work out from where you’re standing right now, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t work out.  There really is a bigger picture that we don’t see.  The more you develop faith, the more you will see things working out for you and your family.  The more you stop trying to control everything in your life, the more you will find that your life makes sense and the more you will see the pattern. All this will foster happy kids, making you an effective and successful parent viagra

Stress can cause us to act in ways that don’t make us proud.  The first thing that you need to remember is that losing your temper with your children just makes the situation worse.  They are under pressure, too, and are probably acting out a lot more frequently than usual. If you can step outside of yourself for a moment and look at what you are actually losing your temper about, you would probably find it to not be such a big deal.

The trick is to take some time everyday to take a breath.  In fact, take some deep breaths.  It may seem like very generic advice, but it actually works.  If you find yourself starting to lose it, walk away and breathe.  Evaluate what is actually so terrible at the present moment.  Probably nothing is all that bad.

When you lose your cool, you and up feeling guilty, and that just ends up in a downward spiral on the road so other bad decisions regarding your children.  You can really make a difference in your own life if you try to make it a daily goal to not yell.  You will be able to think more clearly about what is going on and make better decisions. Discipline will also be more effective if you don’t lose your cool.

When you are a divorced parent going through difficult times and it is hard to keep a clear head, many people take things worse by losing their temper. Don’t be one of those people.  It’s not good for either you or your children.  Think clearly and emotion free.  Be objective not subjective.  What advice would you yourself give a friend that was going through the same situation that you are going through?  You already have the answers; it’s just hard to find them alone when your feelings are all stirred up.  Have confidence in yourself what you are able to handle what ever gets thrown your way and you will be better at keeping your cool.